Inside out

     Have you ever tried to look out from a shirt that you have pulled over your eyes? If so, you know it's hard to see. You're looking from the inside out.

God is not wanting in us or from us our outward righteousness, intellect, or perfection. We see our lives from the inside out. But God discerns the heart! 

I live in a family of doctors with my own two children soon to follow their dad's footsteps and yes, what an incredible gift, privilege, and heritage the Lord has bestowed on them. He alone has placed the ability and desire to learn about His creation in them, lest anyone should boast. Part of my New Year's resolutions is to know more of my own nothingness. Less of me, more of God, like John the Baptist in John 3:30 "He must become greater, I must become less". This, in all honesty, is not the fun part, for I will be faced with my own vanity, pride, and indolence! In this I will find my soul rejoicing! What?  This will indeed lift a veil from my eyes to see the not so pretty things in myself. If we do not have the courage to do so then we will not be willing to let God root them out! So rejoice and start seeing the painful truth. God is faithful but we must desire Him alone so much that we do not even consider the pain of the truth that lies deep within us. Then He can bring these things to crucifixion. All our iniquities must be crucified, there is no way around it and the relief of the pain once the thorn is pulled out is incredible joy beyond words! That much I know my heart yearns for.

Here's an example of my faithful God. To know more of my nothingness...hmmm..Well, last night I had a dream. I dreamed two of my sisters were in medical school and the one younger than me was thinking of applying. They were all very intelligent and quite capable and I found my heart sinking wishing desperately my younger sister would not choose to follow. Why? Because I was embarrassed for myself, feeling sorry for myself! You see, I did not seem to be blessed with the same gifts. I was looking at my life from the inside out! And I simply could not see. Now the story doesn't end here. Oh no, it is a continuation with no end in sight for me. I must simply trust and continue the journey! Now my sisters are all very intelligent in real life and no, they are not doctors, I married into that part of my life. This was simply a dream. As I crawled in my chair this morning with my cup of coffee, looking forward to my quiet time alone with God, little did I know what was in store for me. I hadn't given a thought to my dream until I was reading my "Morning by Morning" by Charles Spurgeon. The title on the day I was reading was "guilt from the holy things". Huh? Contemplating this, I took it slow trying to digest and understand each sentence and I must admit I have much more digesting to do on this one. So for the sake of my hand cramping this is what I have so far in a nutshell.

Feeling sorry for myself! Not a pretty thing for any of us to do. I have no grounds for this - only made up ones while trying to look from the inside out. The world cannot see from God's point of view and I have asked God in my heart to see more clearly. Be careful what you ask for! I would say be careful about what you are afraid to ask for. There is no other way so you might as well be ready and willing to get your shots. Oh, and you don't get to know when the shots are coming. Just like me this morning. A regular morning at the outset, washing my face with my tears in the end. I would say this is a shot of Rocephin, a heavy duty antibiotic that hurts very badly as it goes in. The shot, by the way, is still being injected and it's not stopping anytime soon. But hey, I said I wanted to get better, right? Better at seeing my iniquities, knowing more of my own nothingness. Why? I know one reason it is not, and it is not so I can wallow in self pity! We all can relate to feeling sorry for ourselves, some more than others. I am sick and tired of it. When we try to see from the inside out we buy into so many lies. I have said this before but it is so true: "a lie believed as truth will act as truth even though it is a lie."God wants us to see through His holy eyes the truth but we must desire it. Now by what I have written you know a few things about me. I have three smart sisters. I am married to a doctor and have two smart children and academics (whether real or imagined) has not come easy for me. I dreamed my sisters were all becoming doctors, something that is noble, worthy of working for. See the self pity starting to crash in? Hurray! Let's have a party and I'll be the donkey you pin the tail on. Ah, but...The joy is all mine because even though the shot hurts I can see through the pain of seeing from the inside out. Huh? You see, we can all look at others and compare ourselves and think we do not measure up. Satan loves to whisper how unworthy we are, how we will never be good enough. The kicker is - we can say 'praise God!' Satan, you are right, I'm not worthy and that's exactly why Jesus came and died for me and took me for His own. Joy will surge in your heart as Satan flees! So do not fear or dread what God has to show you about your own nothingness. Rejoice in seeing His love and sacrifice for you. When we are brave enough to see from His viewpoint we have the joy of of truly knowing our Father as "I AM, your God".

"My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honor to Christ in my own person by fearless courage." Philippians 1:20

Father, let us embrace the bitter pills we must swallow about ourselves, knowing there is no other way to know Your sweet holy presence. May we look forward to the journey with great hope. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Love to all in Christ Jesus c :)