Our Armageddon

What the hell is heaven? Is there hope for the hopeless? Brett Dennen

All around me are familiar places worn out faces...Michael Andrews

These are lyrics from popular songs and the latter even used in an Integris commercial. I like these songs! They speak volumes about what goes on inside our minds. Maybe not 24-7 but the battles of this world are real and we can not help but face them. Turn on the news and you will hear stories of your worst nightmares coming true. Or what you need to look out for and worry about. The news does sell worry and they are very good at it. Now I do know we need to be aware and the news is not the only avenue in which we get informed. But to what extent is it damaging us? Our well-being? Studies show that stress and our nerves wreak havoc on our health. I do not watch the news all the time. I keep up but I do not let it consume me. There is much good to be done and we all are much happier and more productive when we focus on loving others.

A couple of years ago the news reported 'teens killed in a fiery crash' and the story was too close for comfort for me and one of my closest friends. My son was ahead of that crash by only a minute or two and he did not see it. My friend's son was one of the first cars on the scene! What he experienced he will never forget. I had been on the phone with my friend checking on the boys probably at the time of the crash. It was getting late and I knew the boys were heading back to college after a holiday weekend at the lake. Something didn't feel right and I found out that my friend was concerned too. We felt an urgent need for prayer and protection. Little did we know how urgent! We didn't feel peace or calm at that time but Jesus was right there with us both and He was our hope. Hope for the frightened,worried, angry, lost, depressed,... The fear we were feeling that night became a reality for other parents. It affected all of us and everyone else who heard about it to some degree. The point is - no one escapes the battle inside the mind. It is very real, very bloody, nerve-racking, and very catastrophic! Ok now you might be thinking: get to the cure! This is depressing, someone get me a Zoloft! Well, sticking our head in the sand is definitely not the cure either. This is not a fun subject to broach but a most critical one we need to understand. We each face Armageddon everyday and most of it in our thoughts. Maybe we think, thank goodness for antidepressants, they should be in our drinking water like fluoride but it's a coping mechanism not a cure and oh by the way we will worry about the side effects later.

What shows do we watch? Murder mysteries , horror flicks, Americas Most Wanted, Criminal Minds, Law and Order x 3, CSI x 3, Cops, and I could go on and on, NCIS (see what I mean?). The gorier the better at the box office. Gone are the days of the Waltons, Little House On the Prairie, Mayberry R.F.D. In the book, Where's Your Jesus Now? by Karen Spears Zacharias; she writes "We are a nation in repose feasting on fear. We are constantly feeding our insatiable panic addiction. We like having the ever loving day lights scared out of us. Neurosis has become as American as billowing flags and apple pies!" This is not to say even if you blew up the t.v. you could put your head in the sand and go back in time. Times were not perfect then either, looks and sounds better maybe, but many of our so called conveniences today stem from our parents' and ancestors' desire to make things better. Believe it or not it is not all doom and gloom and we too have this desire to make things better. However a word of caution here, sometimes what seems to our society as a step forward has many rippling ramifications. We must face our future with constant prayer, we must practice the presence of God diligently as if our life depended on it! Oh my mistake - it does! If you think it sounds easy just get in your car and start your day. We need so desperately to hear our Shepherd's voice. He is the calm in our storm. Alistair Begg once said in a sermon (and this is not an exact quote) "We should not worry about death or the death of a loved one if we do in fact take God at His word. Has He not ordained the number of our days yet even before we were born? We as humans are not going to do anything to change that! Do you think one day God is sitting up there just reading His morning paper and much to His chagrin says "oh looky here Alistair Begg died! I didn't know He was here, quick go and get him so I can greet him"'. Gotta love Alistair for putting it into perspective in such a wonderful way. If you have not had the pleasure of listening to him think of what I just told you in a Scottish accent! I highly recommend him. You can find him at truthforlife.com.

Anxiety is rampant in the U.S and abroad. My husband sees 4 and 5 year olds with anxiety! As parents we need to address this issue. We need to stop and see what our fears are teaching them, what we watch, let our children watch, what we talk about, what unrealistic things we expect out of our children, what pedestals we put them on... and on and on. Just think what the tapes in the minds of our children will replay when they are adults! We need to be aware and we need Jesus! "trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding." " ... and He shall direct my path." We must teach our children well - it is the most important job we have. If we live in fear and anxiety they will indeed learn what we live. "And He walks with me and He talks with me along life's narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart." "Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives." Two of my mother's favorite hymns and oh how I love to hear her sing them. What a most precious gift! Practice the presence of God my friend and no matter how hot the furnace we will not burn nor smell like smoke. Choose to have a blessed day in the Lord!

Heavenly Father

Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. In Your Son Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

"Let not your hearts be troubled"

Much of our trouble is brought on ourselves. We simply refuse to rejoice in hardships and difficulties. "I am His" is true for believers but we must choose to consistently walk and talk with God. In the onslaught of persecution prayer is our only defense and should be immediate. Our wounds produce an automatic reflex, a punch in the gut, a stab to the heart. Those feelings are for our own good!; otherwise we could not discern right from wrong. Much of life is learning what not to do and it takes personal experience so it will sink in - and for most of us it takes a lot of it. "Let not your hearts be troubled"? When these knee jerk reactions catch us by surprise how are we to do that! Ever hear the saying 'practice makes perfect'? Not what we want to hear, now is it? "He walks with me and talks with me, along life's narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart. You ask me how I know He lives, He lives within my heart." Isn't that what our heart desires? We need lots of practice and God already knew that and we are given many opportunities to learn.

The other part is the realization and what to do. Many times my children would come to me hurt over what someone had said or done to them. As they grew I was able to share with them the gift in the hurtful things. When people made them feel negative emotions over and over I said 'remember how this feels and do try to never treat someone else that way'. Well, good advice, but God my friend works in mysterious ways! I wanted them to grow up not independent but to grow God dependent. The kicker was and is, God's working out that very same thing in me too. I once heard someone say , ask yourself these questions before you speak or offer advice, 'was it necessary?, was it kind?, was it helpful?' Good advice, but this too takes practice. Practice is easy if we really desire something, love it, and are to the point of obsession about it. If we love the Lord our God we are, but it takes time, patience and growth to realize our deepest desire and guess what? God is not in a hurry. As parents we are so focused on our child's development we sometimes neglect our own. In this case in my desire for my children to grow I didn't even notice how unforgiving I was to whomever had hurt them. I didn't notice but as my children grew, they did! Ouch, Ouch, Ouch! "Out of the mouths of babes come words of wisdom." Instead of comprehending the truth I justified my unwillingness to forgive. Children do indeed learn what they live and we all at times want them to 'do as I say and not as I do'. We must be willing to look deep into our hearts to see what we are instilling into others because others are watching. Our tongues are a mighty sword and they demand much more respect and care than we ever give them. "Take all thoughts captive" is in the bible for our safety and good yet we pop off every chance we get for the most part; causing hurt and pain we never intended. Harboring unforgiveness leads to bitterness, hatred, and revenge and our tongues are the first source of that revenge to surface. "Let not your heart be troubled.", "My peace I leave with you.", "Be anxious for nothing..." "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." ... If we walk and talk with God and take to heart the renewing of our minds through God's word then it will indeed be a lamp unto our feet. When we realize how short we fall it is also critical for us to comprehend our own forgiveness through the sacrifice of our Lord's blood. Then we will truly begin to grasp - are we not to forgive whom God has already forgiven? Love will encompass forgiveness every time! We must choose to forgive and rest in God's love , for "God is love." It is not about the hurt we feel at the onset of the sucker punch but it is all about the unconditional love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord. Are we willing to let Him live through us? When we do over and over He takes away our pain and restores our joy! Glory to God in the highest may His name be praised for ever more.

Heavenly Father

Hold tight to us in this battle of life, let us be the vessels that shine Your light so many will join in eternal praise of You! In Jesus' name I pray. amen

Love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

Why we need to understand parables

We all know that Jesus taught in parables (stories that apply to everyday life) but the Old Testament is spoken in parables too, if we look at it that way. Can we not relate to the Israelites and their troubles and compare them to our present daily trials? The thing about parables is that they speak to the spirit, they transcend any worldly common sense and get to the heart of the matter. Any story or movie worth its weight has a parable worth taking to heart. It's about good and evil on some plain of existence, and we identify with the characters. Our spiritual life is the only life we truly live, for we are dead in our transgressions! why? Because God first loved us and sent His only begotten Son to die for us. God did this even before we were ever aware we were sinners. Jesus has already won the victory, it is finished. Yes this really happened and there are those who try desperately to prove it is just a story that as followers of Christ we just want to believe. Oh really? As for believers, our faith is not for sale. It can be tried and it can be shaken but if we truly love the Lord our God it is not for sale my friend. We did not wake up one morning and say 'hey I think I want to see if I like this faith in God believing stuff', then temptation and trials come so we say 'forget that I'm done with faith' and we never think of it again. Oh no my friend, God chose us- not the other way around. We all know we stumble just like a baby taking his first steps, but to go back to crawling and never try to walk again would never do, now would it ? Our hearts long for God and when we realized there was a thirst deep inside that no one could fill but God and that He gave His Son who became our sin so we could reach our Father in whose image we were made ; we were given a new heart! a new hope! Our past life was full of darkness but our new life is full of light and understanding! We desire God because God created us to desire Him. The bible becomes food to our soul and water to our spirits. We indeed need to thirst no more. We often become parched , dried out in this life because we indulge our flesh in the spirit of busyness. We must drink the living water and let it sink in and nourish our spirits. The more we do this, the more light we start seeing. The word is full of parables - wonderful, wonderful parables. They are not put out of our reach of understanding, for it is the Holy Spirit who gives us our understanding. God reveals what each of us needs and not more than we can bear. But there is a catch! We must seek. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, then all the rest shall be added unto you." There's one to write on your wall so you can read it every day.

It's ironic to see all the literature out there on faith and Christianity but look at all the time we put into reading so many other things. It is sobering to see how little time we spend in the Word. Our level of understanding has everything to do with our desire and thirst for God. The Bible is full of glorious parables just waiting to be revealed to us but if we don't ignore the spirit of busyness and seek, then our light will not increase. We can stumble our whole lives like a child learning to walk or we can learn to run. Either way we will still cross the finish line but will it be with our hands held high and our hearts beating wildly in victory of running the good race? Oh the joy of crossing that line into our Father's arms! We can only imagine for now how glorious a day that will be. So for now His peace He leaves with us and we are so blessed to have it right in front of us through the renewing of our minds with the scripture of God's word in Christ Jesus. The question we must ask ourselves is - are we ready to thirst no more? A greater story was never told. A story of God's love for you, and it extends for eternity. "Pick up pick up the good book now" Cat Stevens

Heavenly Father

Draw us nearer to you, let us see our parched thirst so we will come to be filled with living water of Your love to our dry and thirsty vessels. In Jesus Your Son's name I pray amen

Love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

Uncertain times

     If we walk with God "whom shall I fear?". For like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, God makes it evident that He is in control. Do we know Him well enough or do we let these turbulent times bring us anguish and despair? We do not know what is to physically come tomorrow, and it can indeed be crippling and terrifying unless we hear the voice of God. "And my sheep shall hear my voice."  I do not know about you but I do not like scary.  I want more than ever to hear His voice,  to receive His peace in these unnerving times.  "Be anxious for nothing..." indeed seems to be a very tall order for today and there is only one way it is possible, and we all will and do choose each and every day. Easier said than done? "Oh ye of little faith" we indeed are!  We have grown up in the land of plenty and we claim to have trials and hardships but we have not ever known what is yet to come in the immediate future.  If you study God's word you know full well we cannot even imagine what is to come, it will come and it too shall pass. We are seeing things progress as it is written and we are part of the story. The story we are a part of has been written by God, it is in His hands and that is where our peace lies as well.  Our problem is that we want to change the script to suit us at the moment. Like letting a small child pick out his clothes for the day, God lets us try this and that just to find out we know nothing! I am so amazed at how easy it is to get puffed up in ourselves and think we had every thing to do with our success and knowledge. To write it sounds so ridiculous yet that is exactly what we so often do.  The story is in God's hands and that is where our peace lies as well.  I want to physically put myself in His loving hands each and every day but as Paul wrote "yet I do not do the thing I want to do and I do the things in which I do not want to do."  If God my Father is not directing my path and consuming my heart it is a dark and dreary day filled with doom and gloom indeed.  The kicker here is that it is also filled with counterfeit light and lies that trip us up time and time again. Bright shiny objects calling out solutions, instant gratification, and quick fixes.  So tempting that by the billions we run to these false hopes again and again.  God our Father is a patient God, but His word is also holy and true. It will indeed come to pass as He has written and there is a point where the sobering truth must come and grip us to the very core.  The fear - the very real fear we face in the truth of the Word - is the beginning of a very real faith! "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"  I do not like scary but I do thank God that there is one way and one way only to conquer my fear. I must look fear straight in the face with the truth of God's word knowing full well He alone is in control. Being honest we want both the bright shiny objects, the comfortable quick fixes, and the peace our Savior has to offer. If we refuse to be broken bread and poured out wine we will not know a life fulfilled, a "well done my good and faithful servant." Our hearts will indeed miss the joy our Lord died to give us. These are sobering words indeed to ponder and yet they are life.  Jesus came to die upon the cross.  "It is finished."  We have no excuses to keep taking Him down off that cross.  We must face the fact our sins put Him there, and we are not exempt by being a good person. We desire holiness only by His willingness to crucify our sin. We live in the land of plenty and what we do with our portion matters. The times are indeed unnerving - so many people without jobs, people who never dreamed they would find themselves in this present crisis. In the bible, story after story, God's people faced famines, floods, and countless other hardships. Just look at Job. Yet they are indeed the greatest stories ever told. We need to learn from their journeys. Look at the life of Daniel. This is how we are to walk through our uncertain times and the peace of Jesus will be ours despite our circumstances. It is all we need and if we are honest, it is all any of us have. Someone has said "you won't know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have". 

Heavenly Father 

I pray we may see these false shiny bright lights for what they really are.  I pray our spiritual eyes will be sharp and focused on You alone so much we do not even give the slightest tilt of the head to the counterfeit light.  May we faithfully hold on tight and serve You our mighty God and King. May you alone be our God and may we indeed have no other gods before You.  In Your Son's name our Lord and Savior I pray amen.

Love to all in Christ Jesus C:)  

Unlocking our hearts

I write a lot about forgiveness because I believe it is the key to love.  If we cannot forgive we cannot love.  Ever been a recipient of unforgiveness?  It can do tremendous damage.  If encountered at a young age it will often produce a critical and unforgiving nature in the recipient.  It is crucial that we learn to forgive others quickly and deal with unforgiveness of others towards us in relationship to God's word. The bible teaches us forgiveness at every turn and it is crucial to recognize .  Without forgiveness there is no love. "Love as I have loved." " ... but I say forgive  77x7."  Seven - meaning it is finished, so forgive until it is finished.  We can only imagine the pain Peter felt looking into His Savior's eyes knowing he had denied him in the face of danger.  "Do you love Me?" "Then feed my sheep."  "Love as I have loved."  Yes the bible is pretty clear about forgiveness and thank goodness our God is a patient God.  Once we look at the struggles unforgiveness has caused us, we will see the imperative need to forgive quickly.  Not being able to forgive our adversaries hurts and robs us as well as those who hurt us.  It is indeed a lose-lose situation.  To top it off it is usually with people we love and know well that unforgiveness occurs.  Forgiveness is for us but even more for the offender and it is important to understand why. In our journey to sanctification, our mindset is to become one with Christ.  2 Corinthians 2:7 "so that on the contrary you rather forgive and comfort him, otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.  Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him."  Not forgiving others produces a critical, cynical, and bitter nature in us.  It will have devastating effects on us and worse yet it will do incalculable damage to others - and most assuredly to those closest to us. None of us want this but when we have been hurt we are not inclined to want to turn the other cheek.  We will never do it either if we count on our feelings to produce our actions, at least not at first.  First we must love Christ and desire His ways so much that we do not count the cost to us personally.  God delights in our desire and He fills our heart with joy we cannot find the words to explain. Forgiveness is full of great joy but we have to forgive with no strings attached but love to experience it.  Unforgiveness is a very bloody spiritual battlefield and we are all guilty to a fault, however we do not need to cringe into a ball and die once we look in this mirror.  It must be looked in and we must also look past the Crucifixion to the resurrection. This is God's unsurpassing grace and mercy poured out for us through His Son.  We are given a 'get out of jail free' card, but it takes time and experience to realize we need it.  

I will try to shed some light in the darkness we often find ourselves in.  Let's say as a child you had many experiences, a lot of them good and some you would rather forget.  People are not perfect and that is a devastating thing to learn as a child.  As we grow we need desperately to see with spiritual eyes to love, forgive and live life as God intended.  As children we are vulnerable and many lies take root whether we like it or not.  If we are fortunate enough to grow up with Christian parents we get to hear about Jesus at a very young age.  This can be confusing though. What? Just hear me out.  Say you have Christian parents, are they perfect and do you know their childhood?  Lies they believe as truths?  If they had parents who were not perfect (which they did) and you have parents who are not perfect (which you do) their actions, and our actions, will contradict at times the truth we are hopefully being taught at Church and in our time alone with God.  If you have a parent with a critical nature, it is easy to harbor unforgiveness towards them from your wounds.  However, if and when a parent looks and sees the pain caused by this nature inflicted on those they love, it will be a blow to their heart that will surely need love and forgiveness to bear. Here's the kicker: we are all guilty! How can we not forgive? For by forgiving we will learn to forgive ourselves as well.  If we do not, the pain we shoulder will be so overwhelming we may never recover. Forgiveness is critical to all of us.  Jesus doesn't teach it for us to become calloused and ignore the pain; no we must indeed feel it.   "We are crucified with Christ ..."  If your parents love the Lord yet fall short (which we all do) rejoice, for we all must die to sin to live with Christ.  You have been loved by their faith in Christ, even though they fall short. It would do us all good to think on this.  We will all see clearly one day the joy we receive from the lessons we learn.  We do not wish in our heart to grieve one another, this is proof of Christ living in us.  Even when it hurts let the pain come and be quick to forgive and God's grace and mercy shall flood our hearts with healing and light.  You cannot be healed any other way, and we are crucified with Christ to our sin so we might live.

Heavenly Father   Let us be more fully aware of Your spirit.  Let us not shy away from being transformed into Your image.  Let our hearts be flooded with Your love unconditionally for others.  May we remember that we are  partakers with Christ and respond through Him in all we do and say.  In Jesus your Son's name I pray.  Amen

love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

A marriage made in heaven

"I am Your God"

I am Yours

"You are Christ's" 1st Corinthians 3:23

Through the blood of Christ we are presented as God's children, heirs of the kingdom, holy, blameless before the Lord.  We, on the other hand, are not holy or blameless, but we are forgiven.  God will hold us to the fire until He sees His image in our thoughts and actions, if not we would surely die of a hardened heart.  We are the bride of Christ - bought and paid for at the ultimate price.  Now we are being perfected, taught, groomed for our position in the kingdom to come.  The Bible says we were chosen.  "All who hear and believe..." If we know in our hearts, not logically in our minds but if we hear with our minds and it penetrates our hearts we will indeed experience a life path of change.  Being made into the bride of Christ is not instantaneous for anyone  and we all are painfully aware of that.  "You are made to be broken bread and poured out wine."  Now think about it, is that how I want to live this one life I've been given here on earth? Dead to myself, expending my life for others just to be ridiculed and rejected. This is life and life more abundant? Surely you jest. Common sense worldly opinion would more than agree - and isn't that the problem?  We are bombarded with the secular humanist world view that is all of life around us on TV and media and we buy into it.  We are all familiar with 'it's all about me', 'you deserve a break today', 'if it feels good do it', 'make hay while the sun shines', and on and on.  Well, one huge problem with that is we think nothing about the day's end and where our deeds and actions will leave us.  Ever read Matthew 25 1-13?  The parable about the ten virgins going to meet the bride groom?  If not, turn to it and take time to hear what Jesus is telling us.  What we do in this life matters more than we can ever imagine, for our life here is but a day.  Did we spend it preparing to meet our bridegroom or was it all about us?  The world shouts one thing but where is our focus?  If it is not on the bridegroom then we are truly standing at the fault line of an earth quake and it is coming!  OK OK OK I've heard this a thousand times and guess what? I'm still here.  Yes, and in story after story in the bible they thought the same thing. But Noah built the ark anyway.  Jesus must move from our minds to our hearts and some days that is easier said than done. Why? Because when hardships and disasters strike we look at the world instead of looking to the Holy Spirit which our Father has sent to guide us in all things.  We also do this when earthly temptations strike, maybe even more so.  If we are tired and worn out it is much easier to be manipulated.  This is not saying we do not have much work to do here, but for the most part we are not simply willing to wait upon the Lord.  "For My yoke is easy and My burdens are few."  Believe me when I say most of us exhaust ourselves about 95% of the time with business that God did not direct.  We, my friend, are in desperate need.  We must yearn to hear our bridegroom's voice or we too at the days end will find our lamps with no oil left.  Now again we must ponder: what am I living this life for?  A marriage made in heaven or for me?

Heavenly Father " Open our eyes that we may see visions of eternity."  "Open the eyes of our heart Lord." Let us be about our Father's work with great joy and anticipation of our Lord's return. May our lamps remain full of oil rejoicing in being broken bread and poured out wine knowing full well we are Yours! In Jesus Your Son's name I pray. Amen

love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

New mercies You bring.

"Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war.  With the cross of Jesus going on before."

To save. That is what Jesus is doing in us as believers.  From the fear of God, to the wrenching desire of our hearts, His mercy is always fresh and new.  We are onward - that is where we are in our journey to sanctification.  We are here and now soldiers living in the strength of God's holiness if we indeed choose to be so; marching as to war.  We are not treated fairly, we are hurt with remarks, gossiped about, laughed at behind our backs.  We become weary and dejected much of the time yet something keeps us pressing onward.  We do not have the strength, talent, or ability to do so except for Christ alone.  The Lord blesses us with hardships, trials, and difficulties, and they are thankfully sandwiched with a heavy dose of His mercy, grace, and love!  We all who are living onward know to some degree that when the fire is the hottest is when God is closest to our heart.  Sometimes it does not dawn on us until the intense heat subsides a bit, but eventually we start recognizing it at the onset of the fire.  We start to see our desire for the closeness of our Lord and this is an onward process in our sanctification. " I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly"  John 10:10  For the most part we start with a complete worldly view of that verse and we are in for quite a disappointing bumpy ride.  But fear not, Jesus is our pilot and we will land safely in our Father's presence with exceeding joy!  I myself know what it feels like when the 'fasten seat belt' sign comes on and the stewards run to buckle in.  Ever notice at the first of a flight how no one who flies often even pays attention to pre flight instructions?  I am not a frequent flier but I have flown enough to become very aware of this fact and am guilty myself.  When the plane hits turbulence you can bet everyone in the plane pays attention at that point.  When fires commence in our lives, God gets our attention and will continue to do so until He has our focus 24-7.  Practice the presence of God, my friend, and even if it turns out you are going in for a crash landing you will walk away not even smelling like smoke either here on earth or in the presence of the Lord.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard you hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6,7

Heavenly Father I come before you this morning and ask for Your peace to be so prevalent that we realize the calming of our anxious hearts.  Let us remember Your promise "My peace I leave with You."  and may we truly remember to " be anxious for nothing..."  and commence in continual love and conversation with You!  To God be the glory forever and ever for 'How great Thou art, How great Thou art!' Amen

Love to all in Christ Jesus C:)

Inside out

     Have you ever tried to look out from a shirt that you have pulled over your eyes? If so, you know it's hard to see. You're looking from the inside out.

God is not wanting in us or from us our outward righteousness, intellect, or perfection. We see our lives from the inside out. But God discerns the heart! 

I live in a family of doctors with my own two children soon to follow their dad's footsteps and yes, what an incredible gift, privilege, and heritage the Lord has bestowed on them. He alone has placed the ability and desire to learn about His creation in them, lest anyone should boast. Part of my New Year's resolutions is to know more of my own nothingness. Less of me, more of God, like John the Baptist in John 3:30 "He must become greater, I must become less". This, in all honesty, is not the fun part, for I will be faced with my own vanity, pride, and indolence! In this I will find my soul rejoicing! What?  This will indeed lift a veil from my eyes to see the not so pretty things in myself. If we do not have the courage to do so then we will not be willing to let God root them out! So rejoice and start seeing the painful truth. God is faithful but we must desire Him alone so much that we do not even consider the pain of the truth that lies deep within us. Then He can bring these things to crucifixion. All our iniquities must be crucified, there is no way around it and the relief of the pain once the thorn is pulled out is incredible joy beyond words! That much I know my heart yearns for.

Here's an example of my faithful God. To know more of my nothingness...hmmm..Well, last night I had a dream. I dreamed two of my sisters were in medical school and the one younger than me was thinking of applying. They were all very intelligent and quite capable and I found my heart sinking wishing desperately my younger sister would not choose to follow. Why? Because I was embarrassed for myself, feeling sorry for myself! You see, I did not seem to be blessed with the same gifts. I was looking at my life from the inside out! And I simply could not see. Now the story doesn't end here. Oh no, it is a continuation with no end in sight for me. I must simply trust and continue the journey! Now my sisters are all very intelligent in real life and no, they are not doctors, I married into that part of my life. This was simply a dream. As I crawled in my chair this morning with my cup of coffee, looking forward to my quiet time alone with God, little did I know what was in store for me. I hadn't given a thought to my dream until I was reading my "Morning by Morning" by Charles Spurgeon. The title on the day I was reading was "guilt from the holy things". Huh? Contemplating this, I took it slow trying to digest and understand each sentence and I must admit I have much more digesting to do on this one. So for the sake of my hand cramping this is what I have so far in a nutshell.

Feeling sorry for myself! Not a pretty thing for any of us to do. I have no grounds for this - only made up ones while trying to look from the inside out. The world cannot see from God's point of view and I have asked God in my heart to see more clearly. Be careful what you ask for! I would say be careful about what you are afraid to ask for. There is no other way so you might as well be ready and willing to get your shots. Oh, and you don't get to know when the shots are coming. Just like me this morning. A regular morning at the outset, washing my face with my tears in the end. I would say this is a shot of Rocephin, a heavy duty antibiotic that hurts very badly as it goes in. The shot, by the way, is still being injected and it's not stopping anytime soon. But hey, I said I wanted to get better, right? Better at seeing my iniquities, knowing more of my own nothingness. Why? I know one reason it is not, and it is not so I can wallow in self pity! We all can relate to feeling sorry for ourselves, some more than others. I am sick and tired of it. When we try to see from the inside out we buy into so many lies. I have said this before but it is so true: "a lie believed as truth will act as truth even though it is a lie."God wants us to see through His holy eyes the truth but we must desire it. Now by what I have written you know a few things about me. I have three smart sisters. I am married to a doctor and have two smart children and academics (whether real or imagined) has not come easy for me. I dreamed my sisters were all becoming doctors, something that is noble, worthy of working for. See the self pity starting to crash in? Hurray! Let's have a party and I'll be the donkey you pin the tail on. Ah, but...The joy is all mine because even though the shot hurts I can see through the pain of seeing from the inside out. Huh? You see, we can all look at others and compare ourselves and think we do not measure up. Satan loves to whisper how unworthy we are, how we will never be good enough. The kicker is - we can say 'praise God!' Satan, you are right, I'm not worthy and that's exactly why Jesus came and died for me and took me for His own. Joy will surge in your heart as Satan flees! So do not fear or dread what God has to show you about your own nothingness. Rejoice in seeing His love and sacrifice for you. When we are brave enough to see from His viewpoint we have the joy of of truly knowing our Father as "I AM, your God".

"My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honor to Christ in my own person by fearless courage." Philippians 1:20

Father, let us embrace the bitter pills we must swallow about ourselves, knowing there is no other way to know Your sweet holy presence. May we look forward to the journey with great hope. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Love to all in Christ Jesus c :)